maxomophone

2011-05-08T08:57:00.002-04:00

Law Dawg

Buds!

2011-04-14T17:48:00.005-04:00

I have a cat

2011-04-01T14:37:00.002-04:00

Self-Explanatory

2011-03-07T07:35:00.000-05:00

Statistics!

2010-05-14T09:13:00.008-04:00

As a would-be lawyer, I've started to investigate that beast called "The Bar." Pennsylvania's Bar used to have a reputation for being easy-street--they called it "the candy bar" (Get it?!). Sadly, some Pennsylvania law-dawgs took affront. And since they had already passed their bar, I'm sure they felt positively giddy about pumping a little more oomf into a test that still can't tell the difference between Hillary Clinton (failed the DC Bar on her first try) and Harriet Miers (what Texas had to offer was no match for this future Bush crony). Also, I bet you dollars to donuts Maurice Levy nailed the Maryland bar his first time out. Ya know, in fiction.

Be that as it may, I was somewhat relieved to find that while the overall passage rate in PA is a relatively palatable 81%, that figure didn't really tell the whole story. Let's got to the numbers.

1,998 applicants sat for the Bar exam last summer. 373 failed. 1,625 passed

But of those who failed, only 230 were first-time test takers. And check out the declining passage rate:

1st Attempt Passage Rate: 1,581/1,811=87.3%

2nd Attempt Passage Rate: 21/61=34.4%

3rd Attempt Passage Rate: 12/44=27.3%

4th or More Attempts Passage Rate: 11/82=13.4%

2007 and 2008 show similar results. Talk about dedicating yourself to a losing effort! Are you listening, Lebron? The only person I know that tried for the Bar more than twice before finally passing is my cousin Vinny. (6 times). That dude is alright.

But from now on, I'm not counting these first-time-failure loser stores against the Pass Rate. Even if HRC counts herself among them.

John Steinbeck was a football fan

2009-11-13T12:12:00.003-05:00

Jamal Lewis, disgruntled Cleveland Browns halfback, channelled his inner Grapes of Wrath this week when criticizing Cleveland Head Coach Eric Mangini:

"Hey, this is his show, it's not mine," Lewis said. "It's his show, it's not my show. Not anybody else around here's show. We're just the crop. You've got to take care of your crop. If you don't take care of your crop, when it comes time to harvest, you're not going to make no money because the crop ain't no good."

Aw, shucks Pa. Looks like someone's been put out to pasture.

The Difference

2009-09-17T14:50:00.002-04:00

The Difference between Democrats and Republicans, is that when Democrats call their least favorite president the "anti-christ," they are doing so sarcastically.

Time to investigate?

2009-09-09T06:37:00.002-04:00

Okay, I'm done. I need Roger Goodell to step in and investigate.

Bill Belicheat has brain washed Al Davis and taken full control of his mind.

First the Raiders trade Randy Moss to the Pats for a 4th round pick, and then they give away what's likely to be a top-5 first round pick to get Richard Seymour, a player now planning to sit out the season and never play a snap for Oakland. Looks like the only raiding going on is that of Al Davis' bling. (Ho ho ho).

What the crap, mate? This shouldn't be allowed. How could the other organizations possibly have allowed this trade to materialize without the 4-team veto voting block?

Turnaround-a-brewing?

2009-07-21T11:54:00.004-04:00

Buccos fans: rejoice!

Your Pittsburgh Pirates have now defeated the Milwaukee Brewers for the first time in 18 games played.

At the conclusion of this season, your Pittsburgh Pirates will have had a losing record for 17 straight seasons.

If statisticians are to be believed, your Pittsburgh Pirates are due for a winning season this very upcoming year! MAZEL TOV!

Funny Friend Writes Letter

2009-07-10T09:48:00.006-04:00

Hey employer,

I didn't get to take xyz, though I will next term. I did take random class abc which I rocked and am going to learn blah which will make me even awesomer for you. And when I do take xyz I'll blow that shit out of the water and knock your socks off even more.

HIRE ME NOW, MY NAME IS MAXLOUIK

Enhanced by bionic technology!

2009-06-30T21:06:00.004-04:00

We can rebuild him - we have the technology.

But sadly, we cannot rebuild his career.

doot-doot-doot-doot-doot-doot-doot

Tort Reform for Everybody!

2009-06-22T16:22:00.002-04:00

Unless, by chance, your plaintiff happens to be the RIAA...

The recording industry secured a resounding victory when a Minnesota jury awarded the four major labels $1.92 million in damages after unanimously finding that Jammie Thomas-Rasset had willfully infringed on their copyrights by downloading and sharing 24 songs on the Kazaa peer-to-peer network.

The mammoth size of the verdict, representing $80,000 per track, may help dissuade more P2P users from illegally downloading music, and for that the labels are happy. "We appreciate the jury's service and that they take this as seriously as we do," RIAA spokeswoman Cara Duckworth said in a statement.

In other words, punitive damages are perfectly reasonable when we're talking about individuals sitting at home on their laptops. But multi-billion dollar corporations? That's just excessive, man.

Three cheers for choosing law school!

Adventures in mixed sports metaphors

2009-06-12T14:35:00.002-04:00

Will your Pittsburgh Penguins become the next Edmonton Oilers, or Buffalo Bills?

Wholly original blogging

2009-06-11T15:38:00.003-04:00

And not the least bit out of date:

Albert Einstein once defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

See Pirates, Pittsburgh

On the subject of crap-tastic movie predictions

2009-06-09T18:54:00.004-04:00

You will no doubt recall the theatrical trailer for M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening boasting, without a hint of sarcasm, that the world was about to receive Mr. Shyamalan's "first R-rated film."

I remember thinking quite clearly, "uh oh."

I've been blessed in many ways in my life. The Ann Arbor public library, for instance, carries many films I would never pay to see in the theatre despite a lingering, minuscule desire to engage in cinematic surveying. Mind you, The Happening was not such a movie. But the odds of watching a crap-tastic film at home increase substantially when one is married.

To begin with, no plot structure should ever be built around an effeminate, sensitive Mark Whalberg. Once engaged, however, all I came to expect from this piece of junk was an explanation of sorts. The "reveal" is as old a concept as the mystery genre itself. If there is some indecipherable, extraordinary event - a happening, if you will - the most terrifyingly poor writing and acting can be forgiven if, and only if, the mysterious phenomenon is untangled and explained. In The Happening, the phantom menace* simply disappears without a trace, only to reappear in (thank God) France, in order to terrorize those cheese eating surrender monkeys.**

I suppose, in the end, this was the edginess Mr. Shyamalan was looking for. The audacity of leaving an audience without an answer having built a career of plot twists and surprise endings. But who cares? The question wasn't even worth asking.

Turns out the "R" stands for reeking, like a mackeral in the moonlight.

*Some of my more witty followers may have realized this reference serves as an homage to another feature in my crap-tastic series of films.

**Ironically***, The Simpsons has remained, on the whole, a delightful program, despite peaking on March 11, 1993 with the premiere of the finest Simpsons episode of all time, "Last Exit To Springfield."

***Not ironically.

My first new car!

2009-06-09T10:13:00.004-04:00

It smells of sweet leather and missed car payments

Update: Quite literally, my first new car.

Late Update: Lest there be any confusion. it's a new car. And also it is mine. Well, ours. But it is for sure new.

That's not what you think it is

2009-06-09T08:58:00.004-04:00

No matter how much sense it makes logically, "dish detergent" and "dishwashing detergent" are not one in the same. Seriously. Do yourself a favor and run a little experiment the next time you come across an automatic dishwasher.

But, fear not. I've checked my law books, and a sudsy disaster is not normally considered grounds for divorce.

Welcome

2009-06-09T08:56:00.000-04:00

You'll likely regret it.